My Old Kentucky Homesite

Homesite Puzzler #4: Stop the Invasion

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 04/28/2010

Armexizonicana.

Notice the Mexican hiding illegally in Arizona? It’s a damned good thing that the Grand Canyon State passed legislation allowing the police to question anyone who looks like he or she might not belong there. We can never be too careful when it comes to protecting our women and children — and jobs — from those dark-skinned terrorists eager to destroy our way of life. I mean: History shows that only Republican elected officials can prevent (1) our country from being attacked physically and (2) our economic system from collapsing.

Some folks here in Kentucky are, of course, eager to jump on that xenophobic bandwagon. You can probably make up a reasonable facsimile of the story that ran in today’s local rag, but if you must read it, you’ll find it here.

Anyway, apparently there are huge numbers of “undesirable” people from the Americas hiding here in … um … America. So your job today is to stop the invasion by finding the Latin American or Caribbean Islander lurking menacingly somewhere in one of our beautiful, pure states.

Instructions
For each item, list the state and its immigrant. For example: your answer to the sample above should have read: Arizona/Mexican. As usual, send your answers privately to me at elwallberg@gmail.com, so that all readers can play without having to see the solutions in front of them. At the bottom of this page, each participant will receive credit for the total number of correct answers he or she sends. (Do feel free to leave your thoughts on this topic in the comment thread accompanying the post.)

1. Cocunnebacticunt
2. Haihatwaiaini
3. Gaurakatensamalans
4. Dromhiondeisiclandan
5. Venevnezaueldana
6. Ecoukaladohoremana
7. Jamismasisicsipanpi
8. Mitobachigognanian
9. Mairnditinaiquanias
10. Tenanersgesentiene
11. Susourinthacarmolinera
12. Guteayaxnesase
13. Bwayrombinudang
14. Nokrittithtidakoatna
15. Wurisuconguasyinan

Please take part in the hunt; the nation needs you. F’Chrissake, no true patriot would want to live in a place called

16. Nekewntyucakwkeyr

Solvers (with number correct):
Chappy (16)
Linwood (16)
Des (16)
[If you’d like to know the solutions, send me an email and I’ll respond with a list of correct answers.]
Advertisements

17 Responses to “Homesite Puzzler #4: Stop the Invasion”

  1. Lorena said

    You’re very good at coming up with German gibberish. Did you learn from your ancestors?

    Anyhow, good job. Venezuela is the one of the few names I can make out.

    BTW, I wonder how much fun it would be to visit Arizona with my Canadian passport. Since, well, I look short, brown, overweight, and extremely Central American.

  2. the chaplain said

    I wonder how much fun it would be to visit Arizona with my Canadian passport. Since, well, I look short, brown, overweight, and extremely Central American.

    I’m not sure “fun” is the word I’d apply to that experience these days.

  3. Lorena:
    I’m not sure that a Canuck passport will be given any credence in Arizona.

    Chappy:
    Well, one person’s “fun” is another person’s “violation of the Fourth Amendment.”

  4. A few generations ago, some parts of my extended family just dropped those vowels at the ends of their names to blend in. Today’s immigrants don’t have it so easy.

    Anyway, if you’re in competition with an illegal for a job, what kind of loser are you? Gosh, it’s just not fair that these illegals are taking our highly skilled jobs of toilet scrubbing and produce picking. Also, since these same fuckers who are all for this are also all about free market capitalism, smaller government and no government intervention into business, then:
    1) Isn’t passing laws and increasing manpower to oust illegals an expansion of government?
    2) Shouldn’t a company be free to hire WHOEVER they want, especially if certain people can be hired cheaply?

  5. Lorena said

    taking our highly skilled jobs of toilet scrubbing and produce picking.

    Keeping the produce prices low, I might add. Somebody should tell those brain-dead Republicans that paying unionized workers $15-to-$20/hour to pick up fruit will make them as expensive as gold.

    Here in Canada, airplane loads of Mexicans are flown in, legally, to harvest the fruit. Then they go back. Every year, they come here for a few months, make enough money to feed their families for a year, and comeback again. I don’t know how they manage that, but that’s happens.

  6. Philly:
    Yep. How can a true tea-bagger want the government to control the economy by deciding who can work? That’s socialism!

    Lorena:
    You Canadians have some strange ideas. Didn’t you know that most of those Latino fruit-pickers are terrorists?

  7. And that whole union thing is kinda commie, ain’t it? How do these tea-baggers reconcile that?

    Honestly, the answer to a lot of that is going to be NAFTA. Florida’s farmers are already struggling to stay afloat against cheaper produce coming in from Central and South America (Florida doesn’t have the ease of obtaining illegals as CA does, so their costs are higher, meaning their produce is higher). Think about it, no need to worry about immigrants since they won’t have to come here anymore. They can happily pick produce in their native country. Then Sunkist or whoever will buy the orange groves in South America, pay even less wages without legal worries, we’ll all have cheap oranges and it’ll just be a footnote in history that the US used to create produce, just like it used to produce steel and textiles. But hey, Sunkist is American, and as long as an American company has money, then we all win, right? Exxon makes us all winners, right?

  8. Philly:
    You must have taken a double-dose of your cynicism meds today. Nice.

    … as long as an American company has money, then we all win, right?
    Yes. God bless America. (Offer not valid in Central America or South America. Warning: Objects in Mexico and Canada may be closer than they appear.)

    Anyway, apropros of pretty much nothing, here’s a thoroughly reliable (i.e., I found it on the Internet) chart showing the Estimated Number of Illegal Immigrants, by state. Notice that Kentucky is down there near the bottom in total number of II (or, in Spanish, ¡ay! ¡ay!). If you click on the “per capita” tab, however, you’ll find that Kentucky has about one-third of an “illegal” immigrant per 100 real Americans. So is it any wonder that my state’s legislature may consider taking action against those people? The commonwealth is clearly overrun by Spanish-speaking terrorists.

    By the way, do you have a sufficiently cynical answer for this one:
    How is the number of “illegal” immigrants estimated? Do you think there’s a special census? Or do the statisticians just count fruit and then extrapolate?

  9. I have no idea, but I’d like to see how they determined there were 10,000 people of any kind in DE. It’s a wee lil’ state. I can barely fit in it, and need to go to PA just to have room to change my mind.

  10. Philly:
    It’s a wee lil’ state.

    Perhaps those Delawareans are wee lil’ people (and relatives of Kim?). Present gigantic company excepted, of course.

  11. the chaplain said

    Virginia is 12th on the list, with 103,000 illegals, according to the incredibly accurate process by which such a statistic is certainly derived. Rumor has it that many of them live in my home county, Fairfax. There’s no fruit to pick in this part of the state, but if one goes a bit farther south, one can work the tobacco fields. If harvesting tobacco doesn’t appeal to one, the county’s 1 million residents have plenty of toilets to scrub.

  12. Chappy:
    Rumor has it that many of them live in my home county, Fairfax. There’s no fruit to pick in this part of the state, but if one goes a bit farther south, one can work the tobacco fields.
    Well, you can find out if the rumor is true by going to the next Civil War Reenactment nearest to your home. (In Virginia, those events are called “War of Northern Aggression Reunion Parties.”) Check to see if the tobacco-picking slave population has grown, and then yell very loudly, “Fumar causa impotencia en los hombres.” Count the number of people who grab onto the nearest pair of testicles. (Note: Men will usually — but not always — grab their own; women will be more selective.) That will give you a rough estimate of the number of Spanish-speaking field hands who celebrate Confederate History Month.

  13. srsny said

    If Delaware is so small, why does it need so many banks?

  14. I don’t know. In fact, I don’t even know why it’s taking so long to get a rewards check back from one. I call and hear it’ll take 5-7 business days, yet we’re in the same damn area of the same damn little state. Wtf? Maybe DE is like the TARDIS, much bigger on the inside.

  15. Lorena said

    If harvesting tobacco doesn’t appeal to one, the county’s 1 million residents have plenty of toilets to scrub.

    I hope I don’t sound as if I’m putting down my own ethnic group, but perhaps the only reason I would love to live in the States is that, there, I could hire somebody to scrub my toilets for less that the $16/hour that it costs here. And at the same time, I would help my own people make a buck.

    My only hope is that many Latinos from Arizona will make it up here. Maybe a half-decent taco maker will come to increase my level of happiness (and that of my Caucasian husband who kills for a good taco).

  16. “History shows that only Republican elected officials can prevent (1) our country from being attacked physically and (2) our economic system from collapsing.” Lol…

    Plus they’re strenously bipartisan, even to the point of causing Congressional constipation.

  17. Percy:
    … they’re strenously bipartisan, even to the point of causing Congressional constipation.
    Yes, our elected representatives are often full of shit.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: