My Old Kentucky Homesite

Who Wants to Join Me in a Sing-Along?

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 07/22/2010

I’ve always hated the summer. It’s too goddamned hot, f’cryinoutloud. So I get particularly cranky about bullshit when July and August roll around.

I  get so tired of hearing the same stupid arguments over and over again from theists. Their proofs of the existence of a god are beneath contempt, and don’t even deserve a reply.

I also get tired of reading philosophical claptrap written ad nauseam by some atheist bloggers.

A_Blogger: I’m addressing this to the Christians who read my blog.
Me: Nice one! You’re about to make some devastating argument against religion that absolutely no one has thought of yet, right?
A_Blogger: Well, maybe somebody has thought of it. But my Christian readers may not have seen it before.
Me: And the millions of religonists who read your blog regularly will suddenly have their eyes opened here by your brilliant insights on
A_Blogger: Not millions. But a few lurkers, maybe.
Me: What, like a thousand? A hundred? Ten?
A_Blogger: Every person counts.
Me: Toward what? Are you an evangelical?

A_Blogger: We atheists have to show that you can be good without any gods.
Me: Just like theists show that their god makes them good?
A_Blogger: Well, one of religion’s biggest arguments is that morality comes from their god.
Me: Then ask them to prove it. And have them give examples from history. And don’t let them get away with defining morality to include their silly precepts against dancing or drinking or gambling or any other biblically disapproved activities. Make them tell you what actions are and aren’t moral, and how they know which is which.
A_Blogger: Still, we ought …
Me: And who’s this “we” you keep talking about?

A_Blogger: Atheists in America have to organize.
Me: I agree. We shouldn’t vote for anyone who doesn’t believe 100% in separation of church and state.
A_Blogger: Yes!
Me: So we shouldn’t support any candidate or elected official who refers to “God” or who panders to the religious zealots in the country, as Obama did when he expanded the Office of Faith-Based and “Neighborhood” — ha!— Partnerships?
A_Blogger: Well, sometimes we have to take the lesser of two evils.
Me: I thought you said we have to organize.
A_Blogger: Yeah, we do. But we can’t accomplish all our goals at once.
Me: What goals do we have besides promoting separation of church and state?
A_Blogger: We need to advocate for reason.
Me: So we shouldn’t ally ourselves with any public figure who perpetuates unreason? Like, say, telling the public how good prayer is, as Obama did in his speech about the oil crisis?
A_Blogger: Obama doesn’t really believe that stuff. He only says it to …
Me: … to pander to the religious zealots in the country? And to perpetuate unreason?

A_Blogger: The world would be a better place if religion were to disappear.
Me: So people would miraculously change from being the assholes that they are if they had no gods to pray to?
A_Blogger: Well, at least they wouldn’t have any nonsense to believe in.
Me: So you’re saying that there’s no nonsense aside from religion?
A_Blogger: No, I’m not saying that. Don’t put words in my mouth. But religion is a worse kind of nonsense than …
Me: Than political nonsense? Than legal nonsense? Than economic nonsense? Than literary nonsense? Than artistic …
A_Blogger: Look, if religion were gone, that would be just one less kind of nonsense for us to have to deal with.
Me: Who’s “us”?

You can come up with variations of those conversations, but they always boil down to the same ol’ thing.

By the way, I’m also bored with Republicans and Democrats, all media commentators, and basically anyone who tries to sell me on his or her opinion about anything. I’m enervated daily by fans of the U.K. Wildcats, Lexington “boosters,” and genteel Southerners. I’m sick of folks who buy lite beer. And I’ve had it up to here with people who tweet (except birders trying to attract rare species).

So I’ve adopted, as a personal anthem, this little ditty by one of my favorite singers.

By the way: I may feel slightly less curmudgeonly when mid-September finally arrives.


26 Responses to “Who Wants to Join Me in a Sing-Along?”

  1. Have another run in with local dumbass atheists, or was this prompted by one of them from the intertubes?

    One thing I’ve learned after a year of teaching is if anything you say changes the way people think, it’s due largely to the state of mind of who’s listening. In other words, you’re not going to change anybody’s minds. Atheists or any other bloggers who think they’ve got the answers to things that will change the world are about as deluded as the clowns they’re trying to enlighten.

  2. Philly:
    … or was this prompted by one of them from the intertubes?
    Many more than one. I had an idle afternoon recently, and began clicking around at random to sites listed on the Atheist Blogroll. Holy crap! There’s so much horse manure disguising itself as “rationality.”

  3. the chaplain said

    I may feel slightly less curmudgeonly when mid-September finally arrives.

    If I recall correctly, Kentucky weather doesn’t get reasonably comfortable until late September or early October. We readers will just have to bide our time and wait for that optimal, and all too brief, window of time between It’s Too Fucking Hot Here and Oh, Shit – It’s the War on Christmas Again!

  4. Chappy:
    You forgot If I Have to Listen to Another Goddamned Debate about What Kind of Stuffing to Have, I’m Just Gonna Order Chinese Food!

  5. Ralph said

    It’s hot as hell here in Murray, Ky. also, but that isn’t what boils my blood. It’s everything you said and more. I’ve been an atheist for more than forty years and I’ve listened to all the same arguments for all of those years. Face facts; those who are too lazy or ignorant to think for themselves will believe anything their “mental superior’s” tell them. I finally realized that I couldn’t argue with ignorance or reason with faith. Now all I ask is that I be left alone by theist, republicans, democrats and bureaucrats. No chance of that, but it would be nice.

    I’ll sing along with you and Cindy any day, but I prefer the Rolling Stones.

  6. Ralph:
    Well, I’ll happily join you in a chorus of “Sympathy for the Devil.”

  7. A touch of the vapors, huh? Hell, we all suffer; hence, the increase in violent offenses in the summer months.

  8. oops… one of, them there, emoticon thingies :/

  9. Solius:
    A touch of the vapors, huh?
    Yes, and unfortunately the only smelling salts available here in Lexington are either horseshit-scented or “fortified” with attar of bourbon.

    As for emoticons, my attitude is basically :|
    I do like this one, though Σ:ж (FYI: cat, schnauzer, man in a fedora with with a bug on his nose)

  10. I’ll give you my opinion, but I’m not selling it so you get what you pay for. I really don’t understand atheists trying to argue with theists. Nor do I understand why you get as agitated about religion as you do.

    Personally, I rarely give any of them a second thought. If they are so weak that they need a god for strength to deal with life, so be it. If they want to pray for me, let them waste their time. I’ve better things to do, including creating my own nonsense, than to rally against stupidity of religious zealots.

  11. I really don’t understand people with their head so far up their ass that they think they can exist as little islands apart and immune from every crazy ass person and thing around them, so I guess we’re even.

  12. Catch:
    Oh, shit. Now you’re riled up the gentle giant. As everyone who knows Philly is well aware: it’s almost impossible to get that mild-mannered guy agitated.

    Seriously, I’ll respond to your comment in my next post.

    I see that the Dale Carnegie course you took hasn’t kicked in yet.

  13. the chaplain said

    You’re already getting less curmudgeonly. I figured your anthem would a few more “fucks” scattered around.

  14. I spent some time in Ol’ Virginny, and mine eyes have been opened. The reading of one of the creation stories from Genesis while lighting up the Natural Bridge has opened my eyes. Now I will help you sinners forget your evil ways.

    Me (newly minted theist): If only you open your heart to the awe at God’s great wonders, you would become one with the Lord.

    You (filthy atheist): What’s so magic about colored lights and erosion?

    Me: Sinner!

    That is why we theists will always win the argument.

  15. Chappy:
    I decided to go with Cyndi Lauper’s limit on “fucking.”

    That’s probably exactly what Jesus’s dad had in mind when he said “Let there be a light show.” There’s nothing that better says “the United States is a Christian nation” than using good ol’ American know-how to turn a natural scenic wonder into kitsch.

  16. the chaplain said

    Natural Bridge is an effective evangelism tool for those whom the odds of salvaging for Jesus are no worse than 50:50. Those whose hearts have hardened beyond that range require a more spectacular display of Godly Omnipotent Majesty, such as the nightly light show at Niagara Falls. Anyone who fails to see the Glory of the Lord in that show is firmly in Satan’s clutches and thoroughly beyond redemption.

  17. Chappy:
    It’s been many years since I saw the light show at Niagara, but I don’t remember a recording of Genesis being played during the display. So, not having the voice of the Lord to tell them what they’re seeing, most Christians probably think that the breathtaking sight is just some big waterfall. They don’t realize that it’s all part of their god’s plan to help the barrel-making industry.

  18. cl said

    We atheists have to show that you can be good without any gods…

    Yeah, that one reads like it was taken straight from CommonSenseAtheism. I’ve been badgering Luke and Alonzo Fyfe on just this issue quite a bit lately. Particularly, your “who’s this mysterious ‘we'” line makes me wonder if you might be following along! I ask them that same question frequently. Our approaches towards logic are more similar than I imagine you’d like to think, Gide–, er, I mean, Larry.

    The only difference is, I like to flip it on them. Since the atheist who makes that claim retains the burden of proof, I ask them to tell me which actions are moral and which aren’t, and so far they haven’t come up with anything coherent whatsoever.

    Personally, I’m a fan of Ivan Karamazov, who has the balls to conclude that without God, everything is permissible.

  19. Cl:
    I agree with you that the person who makes a claim always has the burden of proof. Atheists are not immune from making unfounded assertions. That’s what this post is about.

    In my case, I’d say that my freedom from faith is a subset of my general skepticism, and I’d argue that critical thinking should extend into many areas besides religion.

    FYI: I don’t follow the blog to which you linked. Any author who thinks it’s a riot to stick his tongue out in a photo would probably not have a sense of humor that appealed to me. In case you’re wondering, I don’t find the Three Stooges funny, either.

  20. Personally, I’m a fan of Ivan Karamazov, who has the balls to conclude that without God, everything is permissible.

    I believe we’ve seen time and time again that even with a god, everything is permissible. That’s because it’s ultimately humans who decide right and wrong.

    Our approaches towards logic are more similar than I imagine you’d like to think

    I think that may be true if the topic is anything other than gods and the supernatural, otherwise your confirmation bias kicks in to cock block whatever ability you may have.

  21. cl said


    Isn’t Philly sticking his tongue out in his photo?


    Well, you’re still arguing with a 2×4, I see.

    I think that may be true if the topic is anything other than gods and the supernatural, otherwise your confirmation bias kicks in to cock block whatever ability you may have.

    Right. Tell me, what does especially mean, again?

  22. Cl:
    Isn’t Philly sticking his tongue out in his photo?
    I don’t know what photo you’re talking about.

  23. Well, you’re still arguing with a 2×4, I see.

    Actually, I prefer to use a Power I, which is especially effective with a TE who can both block and receive well.

  24. Philly:
    Hmmmm, Power I. Before I took the time to look it up, I thought it was some kind of early Mac program (now replaced, no doubt, by Power 3.1).

  25. If it were a Mac program, it would be called iPower. If a Windows program, it would be Power I with a string of service packs that fixed a few things at the price of breaking others, like all your peripheral drivers. ;)

  26. Philly:
    I’d respond, but I can’t use my keyboard while my Windows Media Player is working.

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