The Ten Commandments (World Version)
Posted by Larry Wallberg on 01/26/2010
According to the Judeo-Christian tradition, the Ten Commandments apply to everyone. I decided to see if that was the case, by creating a true World Version.
My method was simple:
First, I visited Google Translate, which can now transit comfortably between 51 languages (or tungumálum as the Icelanders say).
Next, I dropped in the New Revised Standard Version of the Ten Commandments (Exodus, 20:2-17). Those among you who are mathematically inclined, may notice that there are actually twelve commandments, but what’s an extra commandment or two among friends?
1. I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.
2. Do not have any other gods before me.
3. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
4. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
5. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.
6. Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. For six days you shall labour and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.
7. Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
8. You shall not murder.
9. You shall not commit adultery.
10. You shall not steal.
11. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
12. You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Then, I proceeded to translate the text from English to Afrikaans, from Afrikaans to Albanian, Albanian to Arabic, Arabic to Belarusian, and so on, alphabetically from language to language, until I reached the last one, Yiddish. I must admit that it was tough going there in spots (e.g., from Chinese to Croatian, from Greek to Hebrew to Hindi, from Korean to Latvian, and from Ukrainian to Vietnamese to Welsh). But God loves all His children, doesn’t hE, and hIs glorious message is meant for all people to share, no matter what ridiculous language they happen to speak, and regardless of whether or not they refer to HiM in caps.
Finally, I had Google translate the result back into English (better known as Английски to you Bulgarians). You may wonder why the original twelve items have become slightly discombobulated, but you must have faith, for gOD works in mysterious ways. I’m afraid, however, that those untrained in multi-lingual Biblical exegesis may not be able to understand some of the finer points of this historically significant, beautifully poetic, and morally imperative text. So I have included my scholarly notes to help elucidate some of the meanings.
1. Select slave labor camp somewhat Egypt.
LW: 1. Choosing a slave labor camp is somewhat like watching Little Egypt perform.
2 and God.
LW: Give me two of those [pastries(?)] and may God forgive you.
Alcohol is not Mentioned in the air in the 3rd cave.
LW: Thou shalt not mention alcohol aloud on the number three subway train.
Orangtuaku not God, 3 and version 4 and 4 Spirit that you want only the 1000 sentensing children is everything.
LW: The orangutan is not God. And it’s also not software versions 3 and 4.1 and 4.2 (Windows Spirit). If you want the best version, pick up 1000, which parses sentences better than any other. But everything is childish, anyway, no matter what word processor you use.
October 5 for the elderly to use.
LW: October 5th is a day set aside for the elderly to use computers.
6 Do not forget the world champion. I believe that God six days seven days. Make Saturday and education of children and care, not one putrinia, but the foreign vorkers.
LW: 6. Do not forget who the world champions are (NOTE: Currently, the New Yawk Yankees). I believe that God played either Game 6 or Game 7. Make Saturday a day of education and care for children, but don’t spend even one “putrinia” on foreign workers with German accents.
7 Mediterranean world in six days, many Saturday.
LW: 7. The Mediterranean world can be traversed in six days, which should include many Saturdays.
7, and my lord, my mother, God.
LW: (again) 7. My boss = my mother = God.
8 no many.
LW: Eight is not many, but it’s enough.
No Relationship 9.
LW: Thou shalt not have sexual relations with nine people.
LW: I’m God, and I can skip number 10 if I want to.
Aixekaras B, Animal 11.
LW: Aixekaras B. is an animal!!
12 cattle berasumsi and asinnod, or Neighbors jealous neighbor or Spouse, for example, can not operate, or if there are civil servants.
LW: 12. Thou shalt not keep company with cattle, Mr. Berasumsi, and someone asinine – or the neighbors will be jealous. By the way, your neighbor and your spouse are setting some example, huh? Their sexual organs may seem to be out of commission, but it’s only because there are civil servants in the area.
The world would be a much better place if all humanity followed these few precepts. So please see that you do. (Yes, you too, Aixekaras!)
[Addendum: Yes, readers, you may feel free to suggest the posting of this World Version at the courthouse or government office of your choice.]