My Old Kentucky Homesite

All of ‘Em

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 01/16/2010

Katy Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?
Sarah Palin: I’ve read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.
Katy Couric: What, specifically?
Sarah Palin: Um … all of ‘em.

Glenn Beck: Who’s your favorite Founder?
Sarah Palin: Um … well … all of ‘em.

Wallberg: I’m delighted to have Sarah Palin with me tonight as my guest on “Book Blather.” Ms. Palin, as most of you know, is the titular author of …

Palin: Well, if I may interrupt you for just a minute here, if I may. I don’t think most Americans care whether a person is titular or not. Here in this great country of ours, God gave men and women the same wonderful freedom.

Wallberg: Yes, well, thanks for coming to discuss books, Ms. Palin.

Palin: Oh, it’s my pleasure. Because I love books. I even wrote a book because I love ’em so much. It’s called Going Rogue and you can buy it on your computer or in a book store or at WalMart or even some gas stations. That’s how much I love books and magazines. And newspapers, too, and uh-huh. Greetin’ cards. I think all Americans understand me when I say that we are a greetin’ card nation, because all of us do love to receive. In the mail. Y’know. Christmas and birthdays and such. Greetin’ cards.

Wallberg: Yes, getting a card is nice.

Palin: And it’s, I think, fundamental to the American way of life. Our freedom to send each other little poems on Christmas and Easter and. Oh, all kinds of occasions.

Wallberg: Well, let me ask you, since this is a program about books. What’s your favorite novel?

Palin: Um … all of ‘em.

Wallberg:Every novel ever written is your favorite?

Palin: Well, of course, I do like some better than others. But they’re all my favorite, really.

Wallberg: Can you name one novel that you like better than others?

Palin: Well, I’d rather not single out … of course I really enjoyed readin’ Going Rogue. Which I also wrote.

Wallberg: What about novels by some other authors, besides you?

Palin: Y’know, I also liked readin’ The Wit and Wisdom of Ronald Reagan, which I didn’t write, but I feel I coulda, because I agree with everything in it. And it’s about a great American who had lots of … um … wit. And wisdom, too. Somebody wrote it whose name I forget for the moment but it doesn’t matter because it’s mostly filled with stuff that Ronald Reagan said. So, really, it’s like he wrote it. And he was a great American who loved freedom only somebody else typed.

Wallberg: Those books you mentioned aren’t novels.

Palin: Oh, you want me to name a novel?

Wallberg: Here, I’ll help you. How about Huckleberry Finn? Or Moby Dick? Or The Sound and the Fury?

Palin: So you’re talkin’ about schoolbooks?

Wallberg: Well, any novel.

Palin: I’d have to say that one of the novels I like best is Goodnight Moon,  because I tell it to Trig and Trapp and it helps put ’em to sleep. So it works, which is what good ol’ American know-how is all about. But I think stayin’ awake is OK, too, and many of the people I respect most, like George Washington and Ronald Reagan. They stayed awake when they could.

Wallberg: Let’s forget about novels, shall we?

Palin: To answer your question. I could never forget about novels because all of ‘em are my favorite. But you betcha.

Wallberg: Let’s move on then. How about Shakespeare’s plays? Did you ever read any of those?

Palin: Um … all of ‘em.

Wallberg: Even The Two Noble Kinsmen? Nobody reads that one.

Palin: You’re tryin’a confuse me, arencha? If it’s one of ‘em, I read it.

Wallberg: And do you have a favorite?

Palin: I’d have to say … um … all of ‘em.

Wallberg: Well, do you prefer the tragedies, or the comedies, or the histories?

Palin: Y’know, Larry, I prefer … um … all of ‘em. Because every freedom-lovin’ American has to deal with tragedy and comedy and history in their own life. In my own experiences, for instance, I’ve had to deal with tragedy, which was losin’ the election to Barack Obama. But I also like comedy, I Love Lucy and such. But I think we Americans can learn most, mostly, from the histories.

Wallberg: I take it you’ve read all of Shakespeare’s history plays?

Palin: Yup.

Wallberg: And I suppose it might be too much to ask for you to name a favorite?

Palin: Oh, they’re all really good. Maybe I like the one about George Washington a little bit better than the others because he was a great Founder and a great American.

Wallberg: Is that the one where the main character says, “To be or not to be?”

Palin: You’re tryin’a to trick me, I think. So no. George Washington didn’t say that. He said, “I chopped down the cherry tree.” Maybe he said “I choppeth downeth the cherryeth tree-eth,” because that’s how  people talked in Shakespeare’s day, y’know? But it still means the same thing in plain English or Shakespeare’s Latin or whatever. Which is chop, baby, chop. And that’s why most of your socialists and commies and atheist liberals find it hard to understand those Shakespeare books. Because they have good old-fashioned language and family values.

Wallberg: Do you have any other favorite Shakespearean quotes.

Palin: Well … um … all of ‘em. But maybe I also liked it a lot when George Washington said “God bless America.” Which I know God does,  because we’re his favorite country.

Wallberg: I thought he loved all of ‘em.

Palin: Well, maybe he does. But the best places in the world are our small towns here in the U.S.A, where the people are hard-workin’ and patriotic. Like Wasilla and many others. So I’d have to say that God maybe likes us a little bit better than Russia or Afghanistan or Eye-Rack. Or even London and Asia and any of those other foreign countries. Because they don’t love freedom and God the way we do. And that’s why I wrote Going Rogue. To resonate with people who want to resonate with my great vision for America.

Wallberg: Could you share with our audience any final thought about books?

Palin: Gee, I have so many thoughts, I can’t really name a favorite. I like all of ‘em. Maybe, if I hadda pick one, I’d tell people to buy Going Rogue. Or, for any great American who loves freedom and doesn’t like to read, watch me on TV.

Wallberg: Why don’t you just remind the folks what network you’re on?

Palin: Um … all of ‘em. Aren’t I?

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19 Responses to “All of ‘Em”

  1. She is but a Maiden in Distress.

  2. Percy:
    Yes, threatened by the dragon of her own ignorance.

  3. Evie said

    Kudos to you, Larry. Your interview with Dame Sarah was far more informative than the dreck offered by Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

  4. John Evo said

    “Or even London and Asia and any of those other foreign countries.”

    LOL! Sounds like she’s working on some of her speeches for the next campaign.

  5. Evie:
    Thanks for the kudos. I enjoyed all of ’em.

    Evo:
    Actually, I don’t think she’s capable of writing or even delivering a coherent speech.

  6. yunshui said

    You should have asked her about her favourite religion.

    I’ve read Two Noble Kinsmen

  7. Yushui:
    I’m not sure she would have understood what I was talking about if I pronounced it with a “u.”

    Somehow, I just knew you’d read Two Noble Kinsmen. Which parts did you like better, Fletcher’s or Shakespeare’s — or all of ’em?

  8. yunshui said

    Truth be told, I didn’t like any of it – frankly, I think the Shakermeister was having an off day when he scribbled his contributions, and Fletcher was a bit of a hack anyway. Dreadful pile of wank, that play.

  9. Ric said

    What about the rumour going around that you’re cruel to other small-brained animals too?

  10. John Evo said

    Lies, Ric! I can vouch for him on that. It’s only the vermin…

  11. Yunshui:
    Dreadful pile of wank, that play.
    Well, Sarah Palin seems to like it. What are you, a god-hating, homo-loving, baby-killing socialist?

    Ric:
    I’m cruel only to rats, weasels, snakes, and dirty dogs — but only if they’re human. And FYI: I’d call Ms. Palin “pea-brained,” but I don’t want to insult vegetables.

    Evo:
    Yes, you’re right. I forgot to mention cockroaches.

  12. Ric said

    Evo’s presence and your kindness to vegetables got you on my blogroll. There are no prizes.

  13. John Evo said

    All the great ones follow my moves, Wallberg. Check in the mail yet?

  14. Ric:
    And here I was hoping for a Grumpy Lion Secret Decoder Ring.

    Evo:
    Check in the mail yet?
    Um … well … all of ’em. I’m sure yours is included somewhere in that batch.

  15. Ric said

    Even The Lion can’t get a Grumpy Lion Secret Decoder Ring. They’re so secret that if I gave myself one, I’d have to kill myself.

  16. Ric:
    So YOU can’t read all those encrypted messages you write, either?

  17. Ric said

    Nah. I have one of my cats decipher them for me. Actually I don’t even write them. One of the other cats does that. Unfortunately I’m running out of cats.

  18. Ric:
    Does the litter-ary cat copy your posts from somewhere else, or does she write them from scratch?

  19. Ric said

    He writes the posts from scratch. On a scratching post. Sometimes he uses a scratch pad. Another cat keyboards them into the compurrter. Grumpy Lion does not tolerate copy cats. Plagiarism, you know? You do know that ‘Going Rogue’ was ghost catted, right? (Puns about litterature will not be tolerated.)

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