Psssst. Your Thread Is Open.

Where is the thread now? Off again!
— Robert Browning

One way that some of my BlogWorld colleagues inflate hit-counts is to publish blank posts and to call them “open threads.” In an “open thread,” the writer essentially says to his or her readers, “Shit, I got nothing. So talk amongst yourselves.”

I’ve always avoided open threads because, regardless of what a post’s alleged topic is, my commenters are already encouraged to write whatever the hell happens to pop into their heads. (NOTE: there’s usually only one head per commenter, but multi-headed individuals are welcome here.) I often enjoy rambling off-course myself; that’s the way natural conversations flow in real life. But I do pride myself on being able to kick-start a discussion by spouting off on a subject of my own choosing.

When I thumbed through the newspaper this Sunday, however, I was pissed off by so many of the stories therein, that I just couldn’t make up my mind which one to write about. So I’m going to leave the choice of subjects to my readers. To get you inspired, I’m including ten fill-in-the-blank sentences. This is not a quiz, so don’t bother trying to come up with a correct answer. (For example, most blanks could reasonably be completed by writing the phrase “Lexington native George Clooney.”) Just choose one sentence, finish it in your own words, and then use it as a prompt to spur your imagination.

1. Although UK hoopsters lost their shot at winning the NCAA basketball tournament, that didn’t stop the Herald-Leader from devoting about half its pages to ____________________.

2. At a Tea Party rally in Nevada on Saturday, the writing on Sarah Palin’s hand said ____________________.

3. United Nations inspectors in Iran acted shocked, shocked to find evidence that President Ahmadinejad had ____________________.

4. Apparently, Pope Benedict was not entirely honest about ____________________.

5. On Monday night, Barack Obama will attend a Passover seder, at which his daughters will pretend to be ____________________.

6. A Lexington woman decorated her house with more than 1700 lights, dozens of egg-shaped characters, brightly colored bunnies and chicks, and a cross draped with ____________________.

7. On Saturday, Kentucky’s Senator Jim Bunning was forcibly inducted into ____________________.

8. The city had intended to spend nearly a gazillion dollars on a Downtown Master Plan to make Lexington into a real place, but efforts came to a sudden halt when it was revealed that ____________________.

9. The delusional President of Saint Joseph Hospital compared his facility to the Ritz-Carlton because ___________________.

10. As he has done every goddamned Sunday since 1951, Dennis the Menace once again annoyed ____________________.

If none of the above topics interest you, don’t be shy about commenting on your favorite color, or the flick you saw yesterday on Turner Classic Movies, or your most recent trip to the dentist. I’m looking forward to a fascinating chat.