My Old Kentucky Homesite

In What Way Do These Myths Differ?

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 07/06/2010

OK, friends, I am soooo fucking sick of the goody-two-shoes atheist billboards. If our messages are going to be vandalized anyway, let’s make them a little bit more confrontational.

Sorry, but I’m no artist. So consider these as rough. Very rough. But here are six entries in my suggested billboard campaign.


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23 Responses to “In What Way Do These Myths Differ?”

  1. Oaktown Girl said

    Sweet! Very funny, and deliciously subversive.

    I’m almost afraid to ask (because I hate goodie-two-shoes shit, too), but what/where were some of these billboards? Also, it’s probably on one of your atheist links, but I thought I’d post this link here anyway for Freethought Radio. Sometimes it’s nice to give the eyes a reading break, especially from the computer.

    And if the fact that there’s still no Preview Button here doesn’t prove there is no God, then nothing does. (Not that I want you to quit trying to get the preview button plug-in!) But at least I have the comfort of knowing you’ll fix any major editing fails, should they occur.

  2. Oaky:
    There are a number of atheist billboards, all bland. Some of the slogans are:

    – Don’t believe in God? You are not alone.
    – YOU CAN BE GOOD WITHOUT GOD.
    – One Nation Indivisible.
    – [Picture of World Trade Center] Imagine no religion.

    I’d add one especially for you:
    – YOU CAN BE GOOD WITHOUT A PREVIEW BUTTON.

  3. John Evo said

    I’m with you. Not that the other billboards aren’t good for something too, but WTF? We can’t be ornery or we’re going to… be called “militant”? OH NO! Don’t call me militant! Hell, they even call the goody-two-shoes “militant”. In relation to your point, if they are going to lie anyway, what’s the harm with intellect-slapping them a little harder?

  4. Evo:
    We can’t be ornery or we’re going to… be called “militant”? OH NO!
    Yeah, I love that we’re called “militant.” Last I heard, there was no song entitled “Onward, Atheist Soldiers.”

    …if they are going to lie anyway, what’s the harm with intellect-slapping them a little harder?
    Well, first we have to find out whether they have intellects to slap.

  5. I like where you’re going with this. I think what I’d do is list a few of the major similarities then reveal the religion, followed by the date it started:
    • Son of god and mortal woman
    • Born at Winter Solstice
    • Died and was reborn.
    • Rebirth celebrated each Spring
    • Followers ritually consume his flesh

    Cult of Dionysus, founded sometime between 2700 BCE and 1500 BCE

  6. Shane O' said

    Larry:

    Yeah, I love that we’re called “militant.” Last I heard, there was no song entitled “Onward, Atheist Soldiers.”

    Maybe some friends and I could make this happen, no promises though. It would be nice to have — you know, for when we take our Palin-esque eugenic death squads into battle.

  7. Philly:
    Your idea is great for a blog post, but too detailed — I think — for a quick punch-in-the-gut billboard. But maybe I just can’t visualize it. Perhaps you know some extremely talented artist who could bring your idea to vibrant life.

    Shane:
    I hope you’re not thinking of doing a duet with yourself. If you’re actually interested in recording a song parody, send me an email. I have a bit of experience satirizing songs.

  8. Oaktown Girl said

    I’d add one especially for you:
    – YOU CAN BE GOOD WITHOUT A PREVIEW BUTTON.

    Damn right I can! (At least on occasion). That html link I did came out right!

    But for the most part no. No, I can’t be good. Even with a preview button.

  9. Oaky:
    I don’t know you well enough to comment any further about your button.

  10. BrentH said

    Very nice! Great choices in the art!

    Unfortunately, I don’t think the average fundamentalist Christians passing one of your billboards in KY in their monster pickups with the truck nuts hanging from trailer hitch would get it. They will have to be told they are outraged by their pastors with some book learnin’.

  11. Brent:
    Well, their not “gettin’ it” is part of my campaign. If they can’t distinguish between Zeus and Jesus, or Venus on the half shell and the immaculate conception of Mary, or the cannibal feast of Huitzilopochtli and the “eat me” last supper, what do they believe, anyway?

  12. I can point out at least one difference between Huitzilopochtli and Jeebus. Far more people have been murdered to satiate the bloodthirst of the latter.

    How about this one:

    Title: “Freud in Heaven”

    Christian-style god laying on couch, with Freud asking, “Heff you conzidered uzzer reasons for your -crippling- obzession vis homozexuality?”

  13. Des:
    Freud sounds an awful lot like Franz Liebkind in The Producers. Or like these guys.

  14. the chaplain said

    When will you be releasing your Onward, Atheist Soldiers CD? Maybe Philly will do the artwork for you.

  15. Chappy:
    The release is scheduled for next December, as part of the atheist militants’ plot to destroy Christmas.

  16. Lurker111 said

    I fear I’d be a bit snippier with a billboard or bumper sticker. I’d make the Bible-thumpers look stuff up. E.g.,

    In the spirit of Numbers 31:15-18,
    God Bless the Children

    I can even see myself getting a few of these printed up and selling the bumper stickers to the sheeple leaving church after Sunday sermon.

  17. Lurker:
    The bible-thumpers use their books only as percussion instruments. So they wouldn’t look anything up; they’d just ask their preacher. He’d look it up. Then he’d order his teenage kids to head online to a free bible commentary site, where their Christian mission would be to try to find out what the verses meant. If they were successful, they’d send him the answer as a text message, which he’d have to beg his wife to translate. By the time anything clicked, your billboard would have been replaced by an advertisement for some famous local attraction like the American Spittle Museum or Uncle Kevin’s Cockroach Town.

  18. Larry:

    I was actually thinking of the image of Ludwig von Drake, but couldn’t shake the voice from some Gene Wilder movie I can’t remember.

  19. Des:
    The character in the Gene Wilder movie you can’t remember is probably Franz Liebkind in the The Producers.

    Why does he say this “baby”? The Führer has never said “baby”.

    THAT’S BECAUSE YOU WERE TAKEN IN BY THE BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word about Winston Churchill? CHURCHILL! With his cigars, and his brandy, and his ROTTEN paintings! ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two coats!

    I vaz never a member of the Nazi party! I had nossing to do vith the var! I didn’t even know there vas a var on! Vee lived in zee back… near Svitzerland! All vee ever heard vas yodeling!

  20. srsny said

    Oh Great. The nazi is up on the roof again with his his boids. Doity, disgustin’, filthy, lice-ridden boids. Used ta be able ta sit on the stoop like a poisun. Not anymore. Boide! Get my drift?

  21. Srsny:
    Well, her husband used to be the consee-uyj. Now she’s the consee-uyj. She’s not a madam; she’s a consee-uyj.

  22. I must say I’m partial to my billboards.

  23. SI:
    Shameless self-shilling duly noted. Now try to say that five times, fast.

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