My Old Kentucky Homesite

When The Lights Go On Again (All Over the World)

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 06/26/2010

While reading my previous post, some of you may have been wondering if I was indirectly praising Roman Catholicism and Judaism. The short answer is: nope. I do think that Catholic and Jewish households may provide an environment in which falling away from those odious superstititions is easier than in, say, Protestant or Muslim households. But the teachings of religious “leaders” — ha! — of any persuasion are always geared toward keeping the faithful in the dark. These days, in fact, officials of the Roman Catholic Church are trying to dim not only the glow of reason, but also the torch of justice.

Many of you know that in 2004, three men in Kentucky filed a case against the Vatican for criminal negligence in failing to protect children against, and for covering up, widespread instances of child abuse. Their attorney, William McMurry, filed a class-action suit against the Catholic Church’s Hide-out in the name of hundreds of victims across the United States. Part of his reasoning is that American bishops are either employed by, or officers of, the Vatican.

McMurry has been trying to get the U.S. District Court in Louisville to (1) order the release of Roman Catholic administrative documents, (2) allow him to depose Pope Benny. The Catholic Church, of course, argues that (1) no evidence has been established linking officials in the Holy-Shit City to boy-rape in America, and (2) Il Papa is a head of state, so deposing him would violate international law.

As of Thursday, the arguments by both sides were submitted to the Court. But even if the judges find in the victims’ favor, could the ruling be enforced?

My gut-feeling was, originally, “no.”

But then I got to thinking. An international conspiracy to abuse children or abet their abuse is clearly terrorism. At very least, the Vatican officials are aiding and/or providing a safe haven to terrorists.

We will pursue nations that provide aid or safe haven to terrorism. Every nation, in every region, now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. From this day forward, any nation that continues to harbor or support terrorism will be regarded by the United States as a hostile regime.

George W. Bush on September 20, 2001

I think our country’s duty is clear. There’s plenty of evidence against the Catholiban. So, for the good of America and all freedom-loving peoples around the world, we must invade the Vatican.

And, hey! I’ve even found an appropriate tune for our civilians at home to sing. Since the Roman Catholic Church has been a champion at disseminating intellectual darkness for centuries and centuries, I suggest that we cheer on our troops with this old song from World War II.

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17 Responses to “When The Lights Go On Again (All Over the World)”

  1. Linwood said

    If the U.S. invaded the Holy See, would that be engaging in Holy War?

  2. Linwood:
    Assuming that we won, it would just prove that the Chapel doesn’t fall far from the See.

  3. Ralph said

    These priests and their pope are criminals and should be treated as such!

    I don’t think invading the Vatican is the best course of action. It might
    be better if we could convince them that seperation of church and state
    would work well for the Vatican.

  4. Ralph:
    How can you separate church and state when the church is the state and the state is the church. If I’m not mistaken, the Vatican’s kinda like the South, isn’t it?

  5. If we’re not going to invade Saudi Arabia, then we’re not going to invade the Vatican.

  6. Invading the Vatican would be a lot easier. Those Swiss Guards don’t look all that impressive as a fighting force.

  7. srsny said

    Amazing how Herb Kenny’s backup group changed once they joined up with Bill Haley!

  8. Linwood said

    At last, someone with the gumption to stand up to the evil doers. Could this be the opening salvo in the holy war?

  9. Philly:
    If we’re not going to invade Saudi Arabia, then we’re not going to invade the Vatican.
    You’re forgetting that the midterm elections are coming, and the Obama Administration needs a big-time foreign policy win.

    SI:
    Those Swiss Guards don’t look all that impressive as a fighting force.
    Ah, but they’ve got those knives that can turn into anything: scissors, a Phillips-head screwdriver, a wire stripper, a roll of toilet paper, a 5-course meal with the appropriate fancy wine to accompany each dish, and a pair of intelligent drone missiles.

    Srsny:
    Amazing how Herb Kenny’s backup group changed once they joined up with Bill Haley!
    Maybe when the lights finally came on, they noticed how much room there was around their clock.

    Linwood:
    At last, someone with the gumption to stand up to the evil doers.
    Three cheers for Belgium, which won’t let itself be bullied by some guy in a funny costume. So maybe we ought to be appealing to the Belgian government instead of our own. Hey, I wonder if those guys could stop the BP gusher without praying.

  10. We could weaken their defenses by airdropping thousands of old Sears Catalogs. While they are perusing the childrens’ undergarments section, we could catch them with their pants down.

  11. BrentH said

    Il Papa is a head of state, so deposing him would violate international law

    The Vatican is not a state; it’s a corporation. The only reason it’s considered a state is because of Il Duce’s) compromise and treaty with Il Papa. It’s no more a state than BP or IBM. But the Vatican doesn’t have shareholders that can boot out the CEO. I guess it is actually more like the Mafia – organized crime in drag with recognition as a sovereign state.

    Linwood:
    I read the BBC news article you posted. It says:

    Several buildings were searched in raids targeting a retired archbishop and the graves of two prelates.

    Graves!? The plot gets weirder.

  12. Des::
    When I saw your first sentence, I was afraid you were going to make an outhouse joke. (Now that I live in Kentucky, I’ve become more aware of The Glorious Tradition of Southern Plumbing than I was when I lived in New York City.)

    But after reading your second sentence, I think you’ve got an excellent idea. Perhaps we ought to coat the appropriate pages with itching powder or, even better, crab lice.

  13. Brent:
    I guess it is actually more like the Mafia – organized crime in drag with recognition as a sovereign state.
    And a shitload of offers that young true believers can’t refuse.

  14. Lorena said

    I always knew you were a closet follower of George W., Larry :)

    I’ve always thought of the Vatican as a mafia, actually. Maybe not exactly like depicted on The Da Vinci Code, but a mafia nonetheless.

    As for invading, this past weekend would’ve been a great weekend for the States to have invaded Toronto, Canada. Then we could have tortured the bastards and then blamed it on the Americans.

  15. Lorena:
    I always knew you were a closet follower of George W., Larry :)
    I assume you’re talking about George Wilson, the lovable neighbor of Dennis the Menace.

    I’ve always thought of the Vatican as a mafia, actually.
    Except that the Mafia has much better music.

    This past weekend would’ve been a great weekend for the States to have invaded Toronto.
    You have the dubious distinction of being the first of my commenters to make a G20 joke. I hope you’re not gonna follow that up with your famous Hu Jintao impression.

  16. the chaplain said

    Larry:
    Is it true that you were the inspiration for the George Wilson character?

  17. Chappy:
    No, I’m not as tolerant as he is.

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