My Old Kentucky Homesite

Half-Open Thread

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 06/08/2010

What should I write about today? Sometimes, there’s too much material floating around out there in the ether. At my advanced age, I find it difficult to multi-vent.

Still, each of the following videos pisses me off for more than one reason. If I started writing a post about all of them combined, I’m afraid that I’d never be able to stop.

That’s where you readers come in. I suspect that at least some of these demonstrations of idiocy will get you angry, too.

So in this open — sorta — thread, I invite you to comment on any or all of these infuriating examples of horse-droppings. Have fun snarking, and rest assured that I’ll join you.

Video #1.

Video #2.

Video #3.

Video #4.

Video #5.

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36 Responses to “Half-Open Thread”

  1. John Evo said

    Yeah, just send me your login info for your blog and I’ll go ahead and do the other half of this post. My writing is far to valuable to squander in a comments section. Thanks in advance for your speedy reply.

  2. Evo:
    OK, I’ve sent you an email with my login info. Feel free to send me a bill when you’ve written my post.

  3. Oaktown Girl said

    Well, it’s damn late over here, and I’ve had not a fun day. And CA’s had shitty election results on the propositions and in the Harmon/Winograd House race. So in short, my brain’s too fried to come up with anything witty to say.

    But my first choice is for you do a rant about the Jesus freak guy. How creepy was he? “In Jesus’s name this, in Jesus’ name that…”. Fuck, give Jesus a break. And the narration on the KY Horse video just made me agitated and angry, like I wanted to slap somebody. Was that the point? Because if so, mission accomplished.

  4. Oaky:
    Every Christian is a Jesus freak guy (or gal, or person of indeterminate sex). And of course, that kind of freakiness pisses me off. Whereas, oddly enough, people who “get their freak on” don’t bother me at all. Unless they do so in the cereal aisle of a grocery store or during a Summer Bible School puppet show. But that guy’s freakiness was particularly — for want of a better word — oily.

    Yes, the narration of the Kentucky video is gagsome. If it annoyed you all the way out there in California, just think of how irritating it is to someone who actually lives here. I particularly liked the example of Kentucky “ballet,” and the high school(?) theater troupe. However, I’m guessing that our wines do compare favorably, taste-wise, to that alcoholic corn-and-saliva beverage made in a few South American villages.

  5. John Evo said

    “Unless they do so in the cereal aisle of a grocery store”

    Chocolate Cheeri-Orgasms… mmmmmmmm.

  6. Evo:
    So? How much do I “O” you for that joke?

  7. “We have privilege as tithers” wins out for me. The rest merely registers a “meh”, although that animation at the end was pretty crappy. My freshmen would get somewhere between a C and B- for some of those environments, and they never did any 3D work prior to 10 weeks ago, which is an excuse I doubt those who made that crap can claim.

  8. Oaktown Girl said

    I particularly liked the example of Kentucky “ballet,” and the high school(?) theater troupe.

    I didn’t make it that far through the video. What’s really telling is that I actually like horses. So that they could find a way to so thoroughly turn me off to their message, that’s really saying something.

    Whereas, oddly enough, people who “get their freak on” don’t bother me at all. Unless they do so in the cereal aisle of a grocery store or during a Summer Bible School puppet show.

    Of course I’ve never been to a Summer Bible School puppet show, but somehow that sounds like a totally appropriate place for someone to get their freak on. In fact “Summer Bible School Puppet Show” sounds like it’s actually inviting it.

  9. Philly:
    Uh-huh, I, too, particularly liked “we have priveleges as tithers.” From now on, I think we should refer to those kinds of Christians as the “Capitalist Contractualists.”

    Oaky:
    What’s really telling is that I actually like horses.
    If it’s any consolation, I think that horses would be offended by that video.

    One of the things I loved most about the whole Equestrian Games spiel is that the last minute and a half is nothing but a silent black screen. It was done very professionally; the silence and the blackness almost seemed real.

    I made up the concept of “Summer Bible School Puppet Show.” But I think I’d better trademark that name before an Christian rock band takes it.

  10. Did you put up that divorce attorney for me?

    I don’t necessarily disagree with Felder, but I deplore the publicizing of private matters, like divorce. Since when does speculating about the divorce involve any of us? It’s just idle gossip.

    And Paul McCartney should have mentioned John Lennon. He’d be obscure without him.

  11. SI:
    I’m impressed with the way Felder reduced the whole thing to a financial transaction. And he sounds like such a fucking idiot that I think the rest of you lawyers ought to force him to issue a warning announcement whenever he goes on the air: Side-effects of listening to Raoul Felder may include nausea, vomiting, and/or headache. If his segment lasts for more than four minutes, consult another attorney immediately.

    I’m not convinced about McCartney being obscure without Lennon, but, yes, he probably should have mentioned his one-time partner. But we got to see only a clip, not the whole program. I’m guessing that Lennon received plenty of props throughout the rest of the show. Still, the lack of Lennonism was not one of the things that pissed me off. Hint: Did you stick around until the very end of the video?

  12. As for the Kenneth Copeland video, I honestly can’t figure out why you would include it except as an example of the usual Christian insanity, (relating the Bible to current events creates at best a lot of CO2) and I know you’d really think that’s beating a dead horse. So what’s your angle on this?

    I did see the end of McCartney and his “Billions of people” suck-up to Obama. Is that what you’re referring to?

  13. I’m impressed with the way Felder reduced the whole thing to a financial transaction.

    When you get right down to it, that’s all it is. If the damned husbands and wives would stop getting so damn emotional, we lawyers could settle these “asset acquisition partnership dissolution” cases a lot quicker. It’s all the emotion, and passion, and hatred and shit that makes us rich.

    Well, some of us.

  14. SI:
    The Copeland video is an excellent example of how a preacher takes a disaster about which he knows and says absolutely nothing, and slips it into a “sermon.” Unlike even the odious Pat Robertson or the late and unlamented Jerry Falwell, both of whom usually refer(red) with some specificity to the event about which they are/were preaching, Kenny clearly has no clue about “th’awl speel.” One of my favorite meaningless (even by fundy standards) lines is:

    We know that all o’ that kind o’ thing has come on this planet and is … comes into our lives through the curse and the very curse of … that came on this Earth through sin and death and so forth.

    As far as the Gershwin Awards video, yeah, Paul got a little carried away during his photo op with “the President of America.” But you still failed to comment on the logo at the very end.

    Felder? He’s kinda the legal equivalent of Kenneth Copeland, isn’t he? Does he say anything substantive in that three-minute segment? But that’s not the only thing that pissed me off about it. Another thing that got me rockin’ was the very opening, in which the news reporter said: “Well, it comes as a big surprise to many of us …” as if she, herself, had personal reason, because of her many inside contacts in Washington, to be shocked, shocked. Of course, there’s more that’s off-pissing about that segment, not least of which is that stupid kiss from 100 years ago, shown for … what purpose? How ironic! A couple that once kissed for the media to score political points is now no longer in love? What’s this world coming to?

  15. Ralph said

    I live in west Kentucky. For some reason I doubt any of the money generated by the “horse show” will make its way to my end of the Commonwealth. I’m very embarrassed by the narration.

  16. the chaplain said

    People who spend any length of time at the bourbon bar before watching the “ballet” may feel too good to care whether or not they’re seeing an actual ballet. Which prompts me to suggest that Al & Tipper should spend some quality (and quantity) time together at the bourbon bar to see if they can save their marriage – they may end the evening feeling too good to care whether they (still) love each other.

    Maybe you & I should host a competition pitting Kentucky wines against Virginia wines, Larry. Of course, we may want to think twice about that idea if it means that we’d actually have to drink the stuff ourselves. I’ve only had a few Virginia wines (nothing memorable in my experience), and don’t recall ever trying a Kentucky wine. To tell the truth, I didn’t know Kentucky had any vineyards until I watched this video.

    Now, having bought myself some time and still come up empty, I’ll just have to confess that I’m still trying to figure out why the WhiteHouse.gov logo at the end of the Obama-McCartney Love Fest bothers you so much.

  17. Ralph:
    If it makes you feel any better, I doubt that any of the money generated by the Equestrian Games will do much lasting good for the Bluegrass Region, either. Yes, the narration (including the accompanying music) is beneath contempt, but so is a lot of other Kentucky rah-rah.

    Chappy:
    I sampled a few Kentucky wines about a year ago. That was quite enough. I don’t see why Kentuckians would care about producing sub-mediocre wine when they already have a claim to fame as the best bourbon-makers in the world.

    Finally, someone has zeroed in on the disgustingness of the second video. I thought Obama and McCartney were going to sing a duet of either “Michelle” or “The Fools on the Hill.” Maybe Nancy Pelosi would even join them for a chorus of “She Came in Through the Democratic Establishment’s Window.”

  18. Horsetucky –
    In the “we know horses (biblically)” video, I was surprised to see non-white people at approximately 1:34, 3:27, and 3:39. You had to really be looking, though. It was interesting to mark the beginning of part two with the sounds of “I just raped some livestock” music. The last minute and a half or so was the best part of the video.

    Al Gore’s life –
    I am not even that interested in the social goings-on of my friends.

    Obama/McCartney giving each other handjobs –
    Not much interests me less than celebrities and their adoring fans.

    Kenneth Copeland is off his meds –
    I found this one by far the most interesting. I often wondered what the literal definition of “to dodder” was. I think I know now. I kept waiting for someone to slowly walk up and clearly state, “OK, Mr. Copeland, you know you’re not supposed to be out here with all these sharp objects. Let’s go back to the nice, warm TV room with all your good friends. That’s right. No, I’m not going to take away your magic book; you can keep it with you. There, now. That’s a good boy.”

  19. I use the word “interest” a lot, apparently.

  20. Des:
    I use the word “interest” a lot, apparently.
    Hmmmm. Very interesting.

  21. BrentH said

    Video #5 left out one KY’s other great products – tobacco. The KY Experience sould be “Y’all come and experience our vices – booze, cigarettes and gamblin’ on horses in Jebusland.” I also liked the twangy Bluegrass music at the beginning of the CG animation. It added a Deliverance (“Squeal like a Pig”) feel to the video that is sure to bring in the tourists. The last couple of minutes I guess is the KY Experience at night.

  22. Des:
    Good point about the token blacks in the Horsetucky video. But Muhammad Ali at 1:34 doesn’t count; he’s one of the Kentucky’s main attractions. On the other hand, you missed the mannequin of the black man admiring the jet ski at 3:17.

    I hear that Al Gore’s next book will be called An Inconvenient Divorce.

    When you mentioned “celebrities and their adoring fans,” you failed to specify which person was the celebrity and which the fan. However, I’ll point out that only one of them gave a seven-minute self-serving speech paid for on the U.S. taxpayers’ dime.

    Your commentary on Kenneth Copeland made me laugh out loud, until I remembered that he and his followers could vote.

  23. Brent:
    The Kentucky video also didn’t mention marijuana, which is the state’s largest cash crop by far.

    I’m actually surprised that the Horse Park will not be offering a “Deliverance” ride. But maybe it’s because inbreeding is frowned upon in the equine world.

    Good point about the last minute-and-a-half depicting Kentucky at night; that’s pretty much what it’s like here, although there is the sound of an occasional train in the distance.

  24. BrentH said

    Video #3 is no longer on YouTube. I think it may have been the Helen Thomas video that went viral a couple of days ago. I saw it after I heard she resigned her position. Which made me think – How many people have lost their jobs over the statement “They should go back where they came from.”

  25. Brent:
    Thanks for the heads-up on video #3. Unfortunately, I’d linked to a copy of a copy. I think I’ve got the original now.

    You’re right about “They should go back where they came from.” I hear that often, in its condescending Southern-gentility version. Wenever I criticize Kentucky for its religiosity or cultural small-mindedness or political right-wing-nuttery, someone will respond with, “Well, we don’t do things here the way you do them in New Yawk.” My answer is: “You can say that again!”

  26. That’s such a bullshit answer. I get that from students as well, in the form of “I like it this way” or “I’m happy with it.” That’s just an excuse for not doing something correctly.

  27. BrentH said

    I have few more minutes to comment on the other videos you posted:

    Video #1 and #2 – First thought – “cult of celebrity”.

    I like your tiltle for Al Gore’s next book An Inconvenient Divorce. I’ll wait for the movie though. I like movies that are mostly PowerPoint presentations.

    But really, Video #1 is exactly what makes me sad about the news media today. I can see why the tabloid shows do this type of garbage, but why do the national networks and big city news organizations devote so much time to stories and interviews like this. Where’s the news? Al Gore’s divorce affects me no more than the orbit of Jupiter (or maybe Uranus).

    My second thought about Video #2 was – Obama is really good at delivering these speeches. He would be a good MC or anchorman. He seems more passionate about Sir Paul than the devastation of the estauries and coastline in the Gulf of Mexico.

    Video #4 – I started that one and had to turn it off. That kind of stupid makes me laugh but it also makes me angry.

  28. Oaktown Girl said

    “I like it this way” or “I’m happy with it.” That’s just an excuse for not doing something correctly.

    Philly – you’re being far too polite and kind.

  29. Philly:
    Or, if there’s no specific “correctly,” at least better than it’s being done already.

    For many people, the problem with being criticized is not only the blow to their egos. By and large, humans do not like to be challenged to make themselves “better,” if they can get away with not expending the effort to improve themselves.

    I think that’s one reason why death-focused religions are so appealing: In heaven, we’ll all be the “same.” If you’re not the same, you won’t be in heaven. So there! It’s just a huge, eternal, politically correct party, where everyone has exactly the same access to the lime Jell-O mold, the tuna casserole, and the lite beer. (And for the kids, of course, cola in perpetuity. I wonder what the official beverage of heaven is, Coke or Pepsi? Shit, I hope they don’t try to palm off any of that RC stuff.)

  30. Brent:
    I agree with you on the cult of celebrity. Why should anyone except the Gore family give a shit about the divorce? But the story is easy to cover, and the nation was obsessed with that stupid insincere kiss, so why bother to hunt for real news?

    Finally, Obama found something that wasn’t “complicated” or “very complex” to talk about. But I disagree with you about his making a good MC. He’s boring.

    As far as Video #4, I think we who are not stupid need to have it drummed into our heads, over and over and over again, that many Americans are. And, as I said in an earlier comment, they vote. Auggggh!

    Oaky:
    Philly – you’re being far too polite and kind.
    Well, Philly is famous for his politeness, so we snarky types try to bear with him.

  31. Oaktown Girl said

    where everyone has exactly the same access to the lime Jell-O mold, the tuna casserole, and the lite beer.

    Lite beer? Are you shitting me? What the hell kind of “heaven” would it be if you have to count calories? It’s supposed to be paradise, right? If there is a heaven, then at the very least one of the perks has to be that you can eat and drink as much of whatever the hell you want without getting fat, sick, or sleepy. IJNWP*

    *(In Jesus’ name we pray)

  32. Oaky:
    Apparently, you don’t watch commercials on TV. Lite beer is the best tasting beverage that America’s god ever made. The fact that we atheists think it’s nothing but weak swill just proves how lost we are.

    If you’re gonna insist on a wide variety of brewing styles and tastes, you’re gonna have to go to hell.

  33. According to Christians, in Heaven everyone will behave correctly so yes, you’ll be counting calories there. Personally, I’m happy with not counting and I like eating whatever I want. Thankfully we don’t do things here the way they’re done in Heaven. ;)

    And dear me yes, I do tend to be overly polite. Please forgive me.

  34. Philly:
    And dear me yes, I do tend to be overly polite. Please forgive me.
    Just don’t let it happen again.

  35. John Evo said

    Hey! What happened to that nice spam?

  36. Evo:
    Spam? What spam?

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