My Old Kentucky Homesite

The Shroud of Tourin’

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 05/03/2010

In a silly attempt to deflect all the talk about sexual abuse of children by priestly employees of the Vatican, Pope Benny has decided to revive that old  Shroud of Turin nonsense.  Of course the city’s Archbishop, Cardinal Severino Poletto, is thrilled to go along with the papal plug. Just think of all those discouraged Roman Catholics worldwide, who are surely eager to have their faith reaffirmed by seeing — in person — an imprint of Our Lord himself.

You could almost hear the tourism coins going kachinginus vobiscum in Poletto’s head, as he intoned:

We can’t say with mathematical certainty that it is authentic; it’s up to scientists to do that. But it remains a great enigma.

Not to me. Although the imprint on that piece of cloth doesn’t look anything like Jesus, the face does seem familiar somehow. Whoever he is, I’m assuming that he’ll be able to feed the multitude.

Advertisements

7 Responses to “The Shroud of Tourin’”

  1. srsny said

    The Shroud of Turin, of course is the precursor to all of those sightings of the virgin mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. Good thing the Earl of Sandwich wasn’t around until a couple of hundred years later, of it could have been the salami on rye of Turin.

  2. “I, like, got these magic plates. From an angel or something. And only I can see ’em and I use this, like, magic stone to translate ’em and stuff. ‘Cuz they’re in … uh … Egyptian, no reformed Egyptian, yeah …”

    Said the convicted con-man from upstate New York.

    “I totally found this burial shroud in Jewishland or whatever. And it’s like a relic of Jesus himself. ‘Cuz it was in a box marked “Jesus” and stuff. Oh, and it’s only still wet ‘cuz it’s a miracle or something.”

    Said some guy in relic-crazed Europe during the Crusades.

    “There’s absolutely no danger, ah say, no danger of clogged arteries with these heyah fine vittles. Now go away, boy, ya bother me.”

    Said the guy depicted in “the Shroud of Paducah.”

  3. Srsny:
    You’re also forgetting all those pissoir-sightings, any of which could be the Shroud of Urine.

    Des:
    There’s absolutely no danger, ah say, no danger of clogged arteries with these heyah fine vittles. Now go away, boy, ya bother me.
    I think you’ve got the Shroud of Turin mixed up with the Shroud of Livorno. Or, as we call it in English, The Shroud of Foghorn Leghorn. Not to be confused with the Shroud of Al-bakoykee, which has the image of a vewy quiet, but wascally wabbit.

  4. the chaplain said

    If people in Turin drive anything like people in Rome, I’d bet that the guy imprinted on the shroud didn’t make it across the street in time.

  5. Chappy:
    Maybe he said: “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they drive.”

  6. Are you implying that the dialect of Mr. Leghorn does not accurately represent the denizens of ol’ Kentucky? Also, I am taking a collection to commission a memorial bronze at the Albuquerque Museum of Art & History depicting the distinguished Mr. Bunny with a map.

  7. Des:
    Are you implying that the dialect of Mr. Leghorn does not accurately represent the denizens of ol’ Kentucky?
    That’s a joke, son. Of course, ah say, of course it does.

    And, for the record, I think you’ve got the right idea about taking a collection. Maybe you should think about charging people to attend a big do for the hare. Because if it weren’t for him, nobody in America would ever have even heard of Al-bakoykee, much less be able to pronounce it correctly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: