My Old Kentucky Homesite

Some Urgent Messages

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 03/24/2010

You are old, Larry Wallberg,” the readers swore,
“And your verses all stink to the skies.
And yet you have entered a Poetry War —
Do you think, at your age, that is wise?”

“In my youth,” the old geezer replied to his friends,
“My writing left editors chilly.
But here on the Intertubes, nothing offends,
For ALL of the writing is silly.”

“You are old,” said the readers, “and feeble of wit.
“Your talents continue to sink.
And yet you expect us to vote for this shit?
(You don’t even give us the link!)”

“In my youth,” said the sage as he typed the address,
“I hoped to leave readers agog.
But now all I wish for is fame, more or less,
At Percy’s nonsensical blog.”

URGENT MESSAGE FOR FELLOW OLD FARTS: If you are even older than I am, and too infirm to key your heartfelt praise for my work into Sir Silley’s long, meandering thread, you may simply cut and paste the following into your comment there:
I vote for “Horton Hears an Evangelical.”

URGENT MESSAGE FOR ATHEISTS ONLY: We appear to be losing the culture war. It’s obvious that most of Percy Bisque Silley’s readers have not voted for my far superior work because they don’t approve of freedom from faith. Fight back by cutting and pasting the following:
I PROUDLY vote for “Horton Hears an Evangelical.”

URGENT MESSAGE FOR  NON-REPUBLICANS: A quick scan of those votes already cast reveals that the ultra-right-wingers are trying to gain control of this election. Don’t let that happen! You may cut and paste the following:
I vote for “Horton Hears an Evangelical.” However, any resemblance between the title character and the symbol of a political party living or dead is purely coincidental.

URGENT MESSAGE FOR POETRY-LOVERS: I HEAR America singing, the varied carols I hear. But very few of the entries have really catchy tunes. If you prefer hummable verses, cut and paste the following:
I vote for “Horton Hears an Evangelical.” I’d much rather sing that one than “Kumbaya” or “Jolene.”

URGENT MESSAGE FOR PUZZLE-FREAKS: Everyone knows how important it is for poems to have anagrammable titles. So get your caps attuned, your taunt spaced properly, and cut and paste the following:
I vote for “Horton Hears an Evangelical.” Oh, a charlatan verges online!

My name is Larry Wallberg, and I approved this mess. Thanks for your support, and may grog bliss America.

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15 Responses to “Some Urgent Messages”

  1. the chaplain said

    Larry, I do believe this is the first time I’ve ever seen you grovel.

  2. Chappy:
    I’m practicing for our next presidential campaign.

  3. John Evo said

    Done. Like Generalissimo Franco.

  4. srsny said

    I vote for the Walrus and the Kentuckian

  5. Evo:
    I assume you mean Franco Zappa.

    Srsny:
    At least you didn’t vote for the eggman.

  6. I’ve only known him a short time but, in that time, he has always grovelled.

  7. MacNutz said

    Remember, he who begs in silence also starves in silence. Some old wise guy said that.

  8. God said

    Casting your vote for Larry’s poem without having read all the entries – particularly Percylet’s Soliloquy… is the one sin that shall not be forgiven.

    Oh, btw, for proof that I exist:

    1. God can work miracles.

    2. It would be a miracle if God posted a blog comment.

    3. Evidently, I have posted a blog comment.

    4. Therefore I exist.

    Theology/Apology/Divine Disclaimer

    While this logical proof may appear to contain actual fallacies these are only the accidents – that is, the chimeras or illusions – of logical fallacy. Yet my proof contains the substance of logical accuracy.

    Cheers,

    God

  9. J-Co:
    One man’s groveling is another man’s advertising.

    Mac:
    It must have been Winston Churchill. Didn’t he say everything?

    God:
    I, for one, could never believe that a comment was really created by you unless you’d chosen to convey it in the usual miraculous way: either etched on a piece of toast, or dribbled out as a stain in a urinal.

  10. God said

    I believe you confuse me with the Virgin Mary, which I find rather odd and a bit offputting.

    God

  11. God:
    Apparently you’re not aware that the Virgin Mary does not use urinals.

  12. God said

    In emergencies her concern is with substance over accidents.

  13. God:
    Well, that’s because she doesn’t obey the Controlled Substances Act. If she were, she’d be able to hold it (the substance, not the act). Isn’t the Blessed Dam paper-trained at least?

  14. God said

    Beware, my friend. Early next week my Champion and Defender, Sir Percival Bisque Silley, shall continue Manfully Opposing you on his blog that is also mine and with which I am well pleased.

  15. God:
    I can’t hear you. But FYI: I don’t believe that Sir Percival Bisque Silley exists.

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