My Old Kentucky Homesite

Son of Googl-oetry

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 02/25/2010

Every day, millions of people enter keywords into Internet search engines, and get pointed to sites that frequently have little or nothing to do with the information they’re seeking. Sometimes, those unfortunate pilgrims wind up reading my drivel. As most bloggers do, I know a couple of methods by which I can track specific phrases that have led the unwary to my weird little corner of the Web. Unlike many others, however, I actually keep a list of those terms.

At first, I did so for my own amusement. At my previous blog, I was extremely flattered that someone, somewhere, would want to hear what I had to say about “tact is overrated.”  I was ecstatic when I learned that “fart sounds and what they mean” brought a knowledge-hungry populace in contact with my ideas. ”  Eagerly, I imagined sharing with the world my insights on “rosebud underwear.”

However, I soon tired of my collection. All those inane word-strings grew dull after a while.

But then, in July of 2007, I invented a new art form: Googl-oetry. At last I found a way to use, verbatim, some of those perplexing key phrases I’d amassed.

Now, I’ve got a new blog, and a new set of intriguing search terms. Each line in the following epic, including both of its alternate titles, was originally typed as a search term by someone who had no idea that he or she was contributing to great art. Crafting these entries carefully, I lovingly created a verse for our times (11:43 p.m. by my New York Airways clock).  As you can see, the work is both beautiful and profound — although perhaps unintelligible.  But then, the Googl-oet works in mysterious ways.

certainty limits freedom
yiddish for grumpy

whats kentucky famous for
ashley judd johnny depp
johnny depp ashley judd
ashley judd and johnny depp
johnny depp and ashley judd
old kentucky overalls
does johnny depp ever go back to kentucky?
i saw johnny depp in lexington
translating the ten commandments to our own language of 2010

can you swallow ky
“tomato brandy” -hybrid -“brandy wine” -sauce -aioli -seed -boy –soup
“de-lovely” jingle soda
authentic chopped liver
coney dog in kentucky
kentucky colonel dog
2 a day
stomach flu 2010 january kentucky
“the great american bathroom book”

how is old kentukey is diffrent from this kentukey
pterodactyl sightings kentucky
creature encounter with driver in kentuc
religious fanatics in kentucky
silly podunk kentuckians
d cup moms
free casual sexual encounters owensboro

thats my homesite
place that is never cloudy
winston churchill homesite
millard fillmore homesite
my old kentucky fa la la
my kentucky bell the poem
yiddish cacamoon
coonskin rotten
my old kentucky wallberg

12 Responses to “Son of Googl-oetry”

  1. I may have to try this. I probably won’t have your kind of draw for someone looking for “d cup moms,” though.

  2. Des:

    Well, I’ll be happy to offer you three of the search terms I didn’t use in my Googl-oem:

    1. i considered that president’s day would give me the opportunity to convey to my students knowledge of our country and could also make them understand the importance of them as citizens

    2. in 2001 a car wuz called ‘a’ in 2002 tht car wuz changed 2 ‘b’ now its 2010. what is the kentucky wildcats picture with old tongue name of the car

    3. desertscope darwin

  3. Postman said

    Number 2, alone, may be a koan.

    Number 3… well, number 3 is probably desertscope’s ex-wife or possibly a collection agency, so mum’s the word.

    To join into the spirit of the thing, I rustled up a little haiku from today’s search terms:

    The Prodigal Son
    Cherubim and Seraphim
    marnotratny syn

    (If anyone knows what that last line means, I’m curious.)

  4. the chaplain said

    “the great american bathroom book”

    I take it this means that at least one reader reads My Old Kentucky Homesite while occupying the bathroom. I never knew you had such a dedicated readership, Larry. Please accept my apologies for having misunderestimated you so badly.

  5. Postie:
    I agree that number 2 is a koan: What is the sound of one idiot clapping? Or maybe, If a car wuz dropt in the wilderness, and there wuznt no people there, wud it still make a sound?

    At first I thought “marnotratny syn” was the name of the Slovakian haiku god. But according to our ol’ pal Google Translate, “marnotratny syn” is Czech for “the prodigal son.” I can’t imagine how you might use that information.

    I take it this means that at least one reader reads My Old Kentucky Homesite while occupying the bathroom.
    Clearly, some of my readers are full of shit.

  6. Postman said

    Thanks, Larry. Your translating skills have shown my googkui to be on a par with:

    Blades of grass blowing in the wind,
    like blades of grass
    Blowing in the wind.

    By the way, it’s been many a year since I was in Kentucky, but is it true that Kentucky is the place that is never cloudy? Or is that just your blog… metaphorically?

  7. Postie:
    It’s been many a year since I was in Kentucky, but is it true that Kentucky is the place that is never cloudy?

    When I moved here, I had to sign a contract with the state not to blow the whistle on Stephen Foster. But I doubt that it’s enforceable, particularly since I signed as “Johnny Judd.”

    The truth is: the sun doesn’t shine bright in my old Kentucky home. For the last two months, it’s been cloudy, if not out-and-out rainy or snowy, just about every goddamned day. Last Sunday, we did see a little sun (not the prodigal kind), but by Monday it was overcast again. The only place that’s not cloudy all day is a small area around the kitchen stove.

  8. srsny said

    Larry – does that mean you have deer and antelope playing in your kitchen? Buffalo roaming around? Sorry, I don’t want to sound discouraging…

    Oh No! I’ve just set off another earworm!

  9. Is there nothing Google can’t provide us with?

  10. Srsny:
    Sorry, I don’t want to sound discouraging.
    Don’t worry about it; you seldom do. By the way, I have no deer or antelope, but I do sometimes have buffalo wings.

    Is there nothing Google can’t provide us with?
    Google is my e-shepherd; I shall not want (for information).

  11. Top searches for my site:

    keichousaurus fake
    hadrosaur egg
    michelia yunnanensis

    My wife is a fossil and plant nut. Therefore, I am a tiny minority in blogging about atheism and such. Unfortunately, she does the programming for the site, so I don’t have much say in it (except that only I usually post to the blog).

  12. Des:
    Maybe you can get your wife to sprinkle in a few explicit or quirky terms when she’s writing about her interests:
    That fucking megalodon.
    The Edmontosaurus had a big hard bone.
    My old michelia yunnanensis homesite.

    By the way, after Googling that last term, I was disappointed to learn that Michelia Yunnanensis is not a Greek stripper.

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