My Old Kentucky Homesite

Sorry, but Nothing Rhymes with “Cranberry Sauce”

Posted by Larry Wallberg on 11/24/2009

My wife and I are in a mixed marriage: She’s a baked potato person; I’m mashed all the way. Although neither of us is a Crispian, we do have some friends who are. So a few years ago, I decided we needed to find a Thanksgiving song that, while favoring no particular peelological system, still acknowledged the greater glory of Spud.

However, after hours of research, I couldn’t come up with a single holiday tune that included root vegetables at all. Or any other type of food, for that matter! What gives? The fourth Thursday in November is not just some non-pecktarian celebration. It’s a time specifically set aside for us to fill our plates to the brim with tasty vittles of all kinds. We need to put the tang back in Thanksgiving.

So I borrowed an old ditty, and changed the words ever so slightly, making sure to mention potatoes in passing. (And please, while you’re at it, pass the gravy, too.) I now gladly share this with all my readers, in hopes that it will help them better understand the true meaning of this week’s festivities. Sing along, why don’t you?

We gather together to ask for more dressing,
Potatoes, tomatoes, and turkey piled high,
And plenty of vino.
Let’s end with cappuccino.*
Sing praises to the cook,
Who forgets not the pie.

*Feel free, if you must, to replace this line with: “Then pass around the Beano.
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5 Responses to “Sorry, but Nothing Rhymes with “Cranberry Sauce””

  1. Evie said

    I like the song. Perhaps the Presbyterians will include it in the next edition of their hymnal. Or, if they won’t use it (since Presbyterians are already pretty stuffy and may neither want nor require any more dressing), the Methodists may snap it up. Don’t bother trying the Mormons; last I heard, they still weren’t drinking cappuccino.

    As for the Tang thing – anyone who drinks Tang on any occasion, let along Thanksgiving, should be deported immediately. I don’t care where they’re sent, as long as it’s somewhere outside of the Western hemisphere.

  2. srsny said

    Evie:

    Wouldn’t it be most appropriate to just send Tang drinkers into outer space? (As in, “Pow, Zoom, to the moon Alice”)

  3. Evie & Srsny:

    You’re both dead wrong about Tang. I agree with Neil Armstrong, who said, “One small glass of ersatz orange juice for a man, one giant pitcher of vitamin C for mankind.”

  4. Evie said

    Larry:

    Does Tang taste any better with a shot of vodka in it? It sure doesn’t taste good without it.

  5. Evie:
    Everything tastes better with a shot of vodka in it.

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